Special Edition: The Empire StrikeBack

In the short time of 7 days of existence, ACHTUNG AL! has attracted a magical troll whom insists upon trying to advertise for free on our site. His devotion toward Quixtar has caused me to dig up some information on the internets. What I found is shocking. Here is a foto von Herr IBOSTRIKEBACK:

I would also like to announce that I’ve been tapped by my higher power and deity to promote a new sticker for sale from fadishist.com:

Quixtar Nazi Logo

HOOT! FREEDOM! FLUSH THAT STINKING JOB! HOOT!

13 Responses to “Special Edition: The Empire StrikeBack”

  1. Torgo Says:

    HOOT! FREEDOM!

    OF COURSE THAT MEANS WEAR A DUMBASS WHITE SHIRT AND TIE AND CONVERT TO OUR WAYS AND BECOME A CLONE AND LOSE YOUR IDENTITY AND WORK YOUR ASS OFF AND BUY ALL OUR TAPES AND BOOKS SO THE UPPER 0.5% OF THIS COMPANY MAKES OBSCENE AMOUNTS OF MONEY WHILE YOU STARVE!!!

    FLUSH THAT STINKING JOB!!

  2. POMP Says:

    I’m impressed. It looks like you’ve done your research, and you finally get it.

    Good work my son…

  3. Exit Says:

    Not only magical trolls have been attracted, but comment spammers trying to pitch viagra. Thanks to a custom script, I’ve done away with this in a tasteful and easy for the user way.

    May the comments be with you!

  4. Torgo Says:

    Its fairly amazing how far some will go to pitch Viagra … when all you need is QUIXTAR!

  5. You are all going to die poor Says:

    LOL, well go work for McDonalds and make sure the upper 0.5% in the fast food industry rapes your checks while you flip burgers and complain about an opportunity of a lifetime. It’s so sad to know you are going to die poor, what are you going to do so that you have the money you need? Think now….. Comeon, since you can’t see the beauty of Quixtar you must not be a great thinker. Done thinking yet? You didn’t even think about it, that’s how narrow minded you are. I’m going to run over your baby with my focus and shove my quixtar check up its @$$.

  6. POMP Says:

    All that Quixtar money, and you drive a Focus?

  7. scott Says:

    What a scam quixtar is.

  8. All of u are a bunch of pussies Says:

    All of u are a bunch of pussies!

    If u had friends u would be makin $2000 a month like me but ur all a bunch of pussies that make websites just so u can show how big of fags u really are. Have fun being poor dont forget to eat that silver bullet when u cant take ur jobs anymore and please do it somewhere u wont make a mess tho yall are a poor mess as it is!! wouldnt wanna have to make it harder on the rest of the 98% of the US

    Have a good day and all of u should shove ur oh so precious jobs up ur asses

  9. Exit Says:

    Nice! I can see that working for Quixtar means that you can forgo learning what was once ‘important skills’ such as spelling. Man, you can take it one step further from omitting apostrophes, commas, and periods to never using capital letters!

    Seriously, does anyone else notice that this guy makes his money by selling Quixtar products to his friends? Wow, sorry, but I will not set my terms for friendship based on that they buy at least a case of energy drinks from me each month.

    Also, ‘how big of a fag’ could be a compliment you silly boy!

  10. Ur all a bunch of pussies Says:

    Wow! U really are a fag. Guess wat tho a person who is gonna retire before the age of 21 and live out the rest of his life with those friends, who will all be just as rich as him so at this point i could care less if i make speling errors. I can pay someone to spell for me u fuckin prick

  11. Exit Says:

    Good luck with that, and don’t forget to keep us posted when you buy real estate in lower Manhattan.

  12. POMP Says:

    Wow, this young man clearly is a genius! His mother should be proud. I was doing the math, and he stated he makes $2,000 a month which = $24,000 a year.

    Now let’s assume our young entrepreneur is at least 18, and he’s investing 15% of his earnings into a 401k. That’s $3,600 a year he’s banking towards early retirement — leaving him with $20,400 annually for the next 3 years.

    Now lets subtract a minimum wage salary for his spell-checker (I’m assuming he would need someone full-time). That would be $20,400 - $10,712.

    That leaves him $9,688 before taxes!!

    $9,688 x 3 = $29,064
    $3,600 x 3 = $10,800

    Now add those two totals together, and that leaves our wealthy young man with approximately $39,864 to retire on at the ripe age of 21! This is all before taxes of course, and assuming he hasn’t spent any of his yearly earnings on hookers and blow.

    Maybe we should shove our precious jobs up our gay asses, move back in with our parents, and start selling overpriced energy drinks?

  13. POMP Says:

    I can’t stop thinking about the awesomeness that is Quixtar. If our young retiree lives to an average life expectancy of 72, he’ll be able to enjoy (and spread out) his $39,864 fortune over the next 51 years!

    That’s $781.65 a year!
    $65.14 a month!!
    $15.03 a week!!!

    I’m a jealous pussy.

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